Not So Clever
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: What does a god do when he's bored? Whatever he wants, that's what. Avoiding boredom by any means necessary. A not-so-simple visit to an alternate universe sends our favorite prank loving, ramen-eating blond on yet another grand adventure. But this time he's not the star of the show at all...or is he? NarutoxBlue! Sequel of sorts to Clever Girl! Part of the Not Going Home Series!
1. Clever

**A/N: Lo and behold a new idea! If you've read my story "Clever Girl" then you already know I've been on an Indominus tear before this, but then I got to thinking; we all know how a godly Naruto can deal with deadly dinosaurs, that's almost too easy. But a regular, average Naruto just starting out of the gate? Now, I don't think that's been done before, neh? So an idea came to me, an idea of the Naruto we know from "Not Going Home" traveling to an alternate universe to visit his past self.**

 **I say ALTERNATE UNIVERSE because as we all know, there are many, many different realms, several in which a single choice, as you'll see in this chapter, can dramatically alter the outcome of any given story. Naruto has literally said before "I don't fuck with time. Last time I did, it gave me AIDS." Implying he's been down this path before. In a sense, one could even call this a pre-sequel to the events of not going home. Try wrapping your minds around that XD Now...**

 **...here ya be!**

 **I PROUDLY PRESENT a branch off of the much-lauded "Clever Girl" story, otherwise known as...**

 **...CLEVER NINJA! On another note, a similar scene will of course happen in Clever Girl itself, but not to THIS version of Naruto. To keep things spoiler free, well...it'll make ya smile. Remember, this story is silly, derpy and strange, and not meant to be taken very seriously. It is meant purely as a feel good, fic for all you guys and gals out there. So...**

 **LET THE CHAOS BEGIN!**

 _"You think you're strong? No; you're weak. You have no strength, no power. What can you protect as you are now? NOTHING. With MY help, however..._

 _~?_

 **Not So Clever**

It all started with a dare.

They'd called him a coward; a loser; the dead last in the academy.

Loser, worthless, trash-no, less than trash-pelted him with rotten fruit, kicked him when he was down. And those were on the good days. All his life everyone, even most of his class had treated as though he were worth little more than the garbage they threw away at the end of the day. In their eyes he wasn't special, wasn't unique, wasn't at all significant nor of any special import. He was a waste of space plain and simple-and in their eyes there was nothing he could do to change.

Today, he'd sworn to prove them wrong. By doing something no Academy student had done-or lived!-to tell of before.

 _By entering the Forest of Death._

Looking back, it seemed like a grand plan; albeit one not very well thought out in hindsight. Still, Sakura and all the other kids said he _couldn't_ and that was just enough to make him want to try. If only to prove himself in her eyes. Poor, deluded little boy. Craving attention where there was none to be had. Perhaps, had he listened to that tiny voice in his head, things might have ended differently.

Instead, like a fool, he'd given into their goading and sealed his fate.

So, today, he set out to prove everyone wrong.

Little did he know the reason for the lack of guards; they were apparent as the deathly silence within the brooding forest.

What sane shinobi would dare watch over a training ground like that? The predators themselves would have made short work of any intruder; any fool who dared to venture within never emerged alive, if at all. Naruto, of course, knew none of this, and with all the naivete of a small child, assumed he could prove just how "awesome" he was, by returning from this hellish forest unscathed. Legend told of a terrible horned creature deep within its depths, but then again, he didn't know that, either.

After all, he was only seven years old.

What could possibly go wrong?

Everything. But...

...it also went horribly right.

* * *

 _"No no no nononononono NO! Absolutely not!"_

Battered sandals slammed relentlessly against the murky forest floor, little legs pumping wildly, he frantically ran as though the hounds of hell themselves were at his heel. In a sense they _were_ and he may as well have been _crawling_ for all the good his shambling did him. He'd been running for hours now! He had nothing left to give! But the Forest of Death was not so easily abandoned once you entered its depths. Utterly lost, the poor boy had no way of knowing from whence he'd come.

 _'I wanna go HOME!'_ he would've cried this, had he any tears left. As it were, all he managed was a terrified hiccup as he stumbled on, desperately seeking some form of shelter. Alas, His foot chose that exact moment to catch on a root, tripping him up. Something gave in his leg, sending him sprawling. Well, there went his leg.

nd spraining a

Soaking wet in his own sweat and chilled to the bone by the frigid night air, he could only stumble onward. Ever onward, in hope that whatever was hunting him had finally given up. He hadn't gotten a good look at that thing, but those eerie orange eyes were forever seared into his mind. Why had he come here?! It had seemed like such a good idea at the time...!

 _"Ah, there he is!"_

Crying out, the poor seven-year old covered his face as best he could, bracing himself for the end-!

"DYNAMIC! ENTRY!"

A fiery blur descended from the heavens, crashing into the ground in front of him.

"Gah! No! Don't eat my giblets!"

...um, no? I'm not a cannibal, kid."

Naruto dared to open an eye.

Up close this pursuer looked like a random cosplayer-even Konoha had such things-with his horns, white hair and flowing robes. Not the sort that got out much, Naruto thought in a rare moment of clarity. And yet in the same vein, he kinda looked familiar...nah. Must be his eyes playing tricks on him. He'd never look like that!

"Osu~!" the man beamed once he realized he'd been seen and struck an exotic pose, feet braced and a hand thrust forward, fingers splayed. "Nice to finally meet ya, boy~! So glad ya stopped running." Naruto never would've known by looking at it, but this same pose mirrored that of a certain perverted sage who would one teach him everything he knew. But for now? He just gawped, balking at the sinister stranger standing before him. He had the distinct feeling that the slightest move on his part would end in his demise. Finally, a tiny squeak forced itself between chattering teeth:

"W-W-W-Who're you?"

"Why, I'm so very glad you asked," came the booming, thunderous reply! "I am the great and powerful god of all things ramen and otherwise, lover to women far and wide, protector of-

 _THUNK._

A fist descended mercilessly from out of the black, snapping a horn and denting the whitehead's skull with a harsh crack.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, saying things like that to him?! He's young and impressionable!" Another dark shape resolved itself into the shape of a young woman clad in what looked disturbingly like a bloody dress. Bright amber eyes shining mercilessly out at him from her pale face, long silver locks framing her scowling, stern visage. Wait. Wait just a minute! He knew those eyes! The same eyes as the creature that had hounded him through half the forest! What sorcery was this?!

"I do apologize for his behavior," a soft voice, like smoke rolling through liquid honey, snaked through his ears. "He's not usually like this...this...

Naruto yelped and curled behind a tree, cringing as they continued to discuss him.

That this silver-haired woman was now giving _him_ such a smile nearly made the poor boy soil himself outright!

"Oh, who am I kidding?!" The woman squealed suddenly and abruptly, throwing her arms around him with a delighted cry and all but shoving his face into her bosom. "Its chibi Naruto! He's _adorable!"_ Trapped by those impenetrable limbs, his face wedged within that impregnable fortress, he could only flail madly. He didn't care that he was probably living the dream of pervert's everywhere, nay, he didn't even notice it as she crushed the life out of him.

No air! Couldn't breathe!

"Leggo of me, crazy lady!"

"No no no no!" Indy grinned, though the vice on his ribs did lessen marginally. Before he could wriggle free the woman was on him again, mussing his hair, nuzzling her cheek against his. The entire time he was utterly powerless to stop her as she fawned over him, purring like a contented cat, of some sort, deep, subvocal noises rumbling from her throat and into his ears.."I've been waiting a long time for this! I never imagined you'd be so...so...cute!"

Cute?!

How in the hell did she know him?!

A muffled laugh came from the forest floor.

"That's my girl...

"...oi, pervy jiji!" Naruto interjected with a wail, squinting at the fallen god. "Tell her to let me go!"

Somehow, the stranger managed to face-vault despite already being on the ground, with such force that the forest actually shook.

"OLD MAN?!"

"Oi, oi, oi...

The horned man picked himself back up and shook his head slightly, frowning.

"Man, I forgot how bratty you were at this age." he muttered, dusting himself off with an annoyed grunt. "No appreciation for theatrics at all. Just for that, I'm not telling you my name. Indy, let go." To Naruto's disbelief the strange woman did as she was told, releasing him to flop to the forest floor with a muffled squawk of surprise.

"EH?!"

"Let me guess, you came here to prove you were ballsy, right?" the stranger inquired cassually. "You wanted to prove that you were braver and better than anyone else." Naruto made a small squelching sound. He'd hit the hail right on the head without batting an eyelash. How had he done that?!

 _"How did you even-_

"That _does_ sound like something he would do." Indy seconded. "Were you always this naieve?"

"I believe I was."

"Not wait just a second-

"Hush, _weakling."_

Everything collapsed down around Naruto as those godly eyes met his. He could feel it crushing him. Everything was moving so fast. So many noises! Sights! Sounds! He was drowning in water he couldn't see. Every fear he'd ever had came back to him at once. Monsters surrounded him. His stomach inverted, his eyes shriveled out of existence and his heart caved in. It took everything he had just to recover his senses, simply to speak to the giant towering over him.

"What...did you say?"

The stranger glared down at him for several seconds agonizing without letting up, veins throbbing visibly in his forehead. Those eerie white eyes were cast in shadow, and gleaming with baleful red light. His lips were curled back almost of their own accord, barring the blond's teeth in a decidedly vicious snarl.

"Aw, did I hurt your feelings?"

"I'm not weak!"

"You think you're strong? No; you _are_ weak. Just like I was back then. You have no strength, no power to call your own. What can you protect as you are now? NOTHING. With my help, however...

Indy went very still, but Naruto barely noticed.

 _"Help?"_ the boy croaked?

"Look, do you want to be strong, or not, shitty kid?!"

 _"Not from some shithead like you!"_

A stone exploded violently in the stranger's left hand, showering him and Naruto with shards or broken plastic. Lifting his head slowly, he craned his neck loosely and somewhat erratically to look at the boy; a twitching, spasmodic movement to his motions. Abruptly, he smiled.

"Right answer."

Then Naruto saw the egg.

It was quite simply there on a sudden, one moment the whitehead's hand had been empty, the next, it clutched a large white oval nearly as large as the boy's hand.

"Do you see this?" he held it before his face, intently, blank eyes betraying nothing. "Do you? This egg contains a piece of someone, someone very _-very!-_ special to me. Call it a clone, copy, whatever you want. This is no ordinary egg. She's unique. One of a kind. Once she hatches there be no take backs; I won't come swooping in to save your ass if she rejects you. But I can promise you this much kid, she's a clever girl and she'll never desert you as long as you treat her right. Now, do you want this power?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Lets just say I've read your palm, kid." the horned man drawled, standing, rising to his full, towering height. "I know exactly what's going to happen to you in this timeline. You don't become Hokage, you never amount to anything. Why? I'll tell you; because you _die_ in this forest, and nobody gives a damn. That was the fate set for you in this universe. But that kind of the ending is _sooo_ boring, wouldn't you agree? You're something of a test run for me. If this works out, hell, if you become what I expect, you might even see me again down the road."

"And I as well." The woman who Naruto now knew as Indy, added, interposing herself between the blond and his prize. "And you had best take care of it."

The stranger sighed.

"Indy-

"NO!" she snapped, flashing pearly white teeth in a snarl. "If he is to raise one of my babies then he will do so rightly or not at all!"

"Eh?"

"Simple." Indy hummed, and Naruto nearly bolted at the steely, murderous look in the woman's amber eyes. "If you hurt my child in any way, shape, or form, I will know. I will look for you. I will find you. And then I will kill you. Naruto or not." Thus speaking, she squatted down to her haunches, nudging the egg softly with her finger. Whatever stasis had been cast upon the egg was swiftly undone; it rocked like a cradle at her touch.

"Wake up." she cooed softly.

* * *

 _"Wake up."_

Those were the first words Blue heard.

At the very moment shebecame aware, the instant when her tiny claws broke through the eggshell. In those frantic first seconds of existence when there was no thought, only instinct, all she knew was that she had to _get out of this egg_ _right away, right now, now, NOW!_ Her small hands scrabbled rapidly at the hardened shell encasing her body within, tearing it away with feeble strength until finally, finally...

 _Squeak._

A tiny, orange eye peeked up out of the egg, staring up into the big, wide world. She blinked once, gazing into the great, encompassing whiteness. Bright! So bright! Her nictitating membrane fluttered shut, then open again, adjusting to the harsh light. The glass ceiling rose, and her small body shivered at the abrupt lack of warmth.

 _Where...what...who?_

The baby dinosaur began to squirm as a large hand came down near her head, vocalizing loudly in distress. But instead of harming her, they began to gently poke at her egg, freeing her from her prison. Wriggling loose from the broken shell, she stumbled out, squawking. A lone eye tracked the hand, still hovering near, and hunger demanded a response. Stumbling on weak legs yet incapable of walking, she only succeeded in flopping to the ground in a squalling heap amidst the wet leaves of the forest.

Still, that put her mouth right within biting distance...!

Growling, she nipped him.

 _Hard._

"Hey!" a soft yelp greeted her as a piece of flesh came away in her mouth, and the strange, five-fingered hand withdrew with a sudden abruptness. Meat! She gobbled it happily-almost unaware of the attention she had drawn to herself. "That hurt! Why the hell did she bit me?!" Something stroked her scales hestinatnly, and she tried to bite that, too. This time, she wasn't quite as successful. More words now, a gentle, almost fatherly chuckle reverberating all around her.

She squinted in confusion, staring up at the strange sound...

...and something stared back.

A pair of bright blue eyes met hers, whiskered cheeks pinched in a slight, awed smile.

Little Naruto gulped quietly.

"What is this...?"

"That my boy, is a raptor." the stranger answered, staying well out of view, pulling the woman with him. "Her name's Blue II. Or you could just call her Blue, like we used to."

Indy hissed. "We do not speak of the beta!"

Naruto barely heard the words.

"What I am supposed to do with this thing?"

The stranger laughed suddenly, a harsh bark of laughter.

"That's the fun part! We get to watch and see whether or not you screw up! Like reality t.v.! I'll even carve you a path back to civilzation, free of charge!"

Somewhere out of sight, fingers snapped.

The stranger snapped his fingers together, creating a harsh pop. That was all he did. There was no blinding flash of light, no terrible lurching sound. Just a simple click. And just like that, Naruto found himself back in his apartment, kneeling at the foot of his bed. His run-down, dillapidated apartment, foisted on him by the old man hokage after he'd been kicked out of the orphanage last year. In an instant, he'd been snatched out of the Forest of Death and plunged back into the safety of his home.

"I...you...how did you do that?!"

"It comes with the territory." the stranger replied. "Perks of being a god, and whatnot. Good luck, kid. Try not to get eaten."

"Remember, hurt her and I'll eat you." Indy threatened.

"WHAT?!"

When he turned to look, the stranger and the woman were gone. In his place, of all things lay...a steak? Why the hell would _that_ be there?! Bullshit. He called bullshit on all of this, and it would have been so easy to just dismiss it as the product of some wretched fever dream, were it not for one thing. The eggshells at his feet. And the tiny, squalling creature in his arms. Huh. She didn't look so scary.

Blue.

She looked up at him and squeaked. In that instant, a tentative presence brushed across his mind.

 _'Daddy.'_

Gah!

The thought stabbed into his mind like a warm butter knife, a tiny whisper of excitement twisting in the corridors of his brain. This was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrongwrongwrongwrong in a million ways, but he just couldn't bring himself to harm the tiny creature that had just emerged. He didn't even know what do to with her, and in the next instant, he was utterly lost; all thoughts of abandoning her utterly erased in an instant.

"Blue...huh...?"

Idly, he glanced at his bleeding finger.

It was just a little blood.

Just a bit...

...but he had no idea how it would change her.

 **A/N: And there we go! I'm fairly certain no one has tried this angle, but after reading the actual Jurassic World novel, not the junior one, its a piece of crap-I felt kinda bad for ol' Blue. So I decided to give this a go! Hope ya like it!**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review Would Ya Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview and tell me what ye think! Thar be two and they're utterly hilarious! This story's going to fly off the rails and laugh in canon's face!**

 **(Preview!)**

 _Naruto froze._

 _"Where's Tora?"_

 _Blue swallowed, a furry tail vanishing from her mouth._

 _"BLUE!"  
_

 _The girl whined softly._

 _"At least let me cook the damn thing, first!"_

* * *

 _Blue cocked her head to the side, considering, the motion sending the long curtain of her deep azure tresses bouncing ever so slightly. Sasuke found himself wholly fascinated by the color. Mesmerizing. Her dark, dusky bronze body looked like it belonged in Kumo, not Konoha; that sun-kissed sweetheart seemed so wasted on Naruto._

 _Naruto, the dead last, the only one who hadn't graduated. Naruto, who, rumor had it, now lived in the Forest of Death, training every day._

 _Freak._

 _Not like this girl._

 _Her bright orange eyes ensnared him, this silent girl who never left Naruto's side. What was so special about him? Why did this sleek, powerful girl cling to the dobe, and not him?_

 _Sasuke scowled._

 _"What the hell do you want?"_

 _Her smile grew._

 _"Food."_

 _Oh, it speaks! Wait, what-_

 _Then she bit down on his neck._

 _Hard._

 **Yup, totally went there. Betcha ya'll thought it was Indy-NOPE! Its Blue! In human form! And I've unabashedly killed Sasuke. EVERYONE'S FAIR GAME HERE!**

 **R &R~! =D**


	2. Hello World

**A/N: Lo and behold a new idea! If you've read my story "Clever Girl" then you already know I've been on an Indominus tear before this, but then I got to thinking; we all know how a godly Naruto can deal with deadly dinosaurs, that's almost too easy. But a regular, average Naruto just starting out of the gate? Now, I don't think that's been done before, neh? So an idea came to me, an idea of the Naruto we know from "Not Going Home" traveling to an alternate universe to visit his past self.**

 **I say ALTERNATE UNIVERSE because as we all know, there are many, many different realms, several in which a single choice, as you'll see in this chapter, can dramatically alter the outcome of any given story. Naruto has literally said before "I don't fuck with time. Last time I did, it gave me AIDS." Implying he's been down this path before. In a sense, one could even call this a pre-sequel to the events of not going home. Try wrapping your minds around that XD**

 **ALSO.**

 **I wish to address something. The annoying matter of a hater/flamer I blocked some time ago, who continues to pester me through anonymous reviews. The name you ask?**

 **DOOM MARINE 54.**

 **This annoying little bugger has not only refused all attempts to talk-hence why he's been blocked in the first place, but all he seems capable of spewing is needless, vile hate. I've seen his work on other stories, these cruel, callous words that offer no constructive criticism at all, but as of late, he seems to have taken to targeting me and just about EVERY story I've ever written. Take his latest review for one of my few self-insert stories, "I am Not a Pirate. This is what he had to say.**

 _"No more like this is your 400th self insert story since you other ones are self-insert that only vaguely resemble the characters their about. You're a real loser if you need to write hundred of stories with your ideal self as the protagonist dating cartoons just to make it through your vacant existence."_

 **Now, isn't that friendly of him, ladies and gentlemen? I think we can all clap our hands knowing there is such a cruel person in the world. I'm amazed that some people can hate me so much for wanting to bring joy to others in the realm of fanfiction; because THAT my dear marine, is why I write. No such concepts as wanting fame, or pride, but because it makes people happy, and their happiness in turn, is what inspires me to go to new heights for them. Reviews are merely a way of letting me know what they think, something that I enjoy.**

 **Well, now that we've finished with that little asinine prick...**

 **...here ya be!**

 **I PROUDLY PRESENT a branch off of the much-lauded "Clever Girl" story, otherwise known as...**

 **...NOT SO CLEVER NINJA! On another note, a similar scene will of course happen in Clever Girl itself, but not to THIS version of Naruto. To keep things spoiler free, well...it'll make ya smile. Remember, this story is silly, derpy and strange, and not meant to be taken very seriously. It is meant purely as a feel good, fic for all you guys and gals out there. So...**

 **LET THE CHAOS BEGIN! And if any of you have watched Dragon Crisis, well, that series did WONDERS to give me inspiration for this and YES, the Naruto we love from the "Not Going Home" series isn't quite finished with his alternate counterpart just yet...AND WARNING! I unabashedly make fun of Sakura and Sasuke in this chapter! REMEMBER! ALTERNATE! NARUTO! UNIVERSE!**

 _"I'm doomed..._

 _~?_

 **Hello World**

Raising a raptor wasn't easy.

As a matter of principle, it was nearly impossible. Raptors were pack creatures by nature; that is to say, they traditionally grew up in groups of three, sometimes four. Rearing one alone was not only difficult, but for a human, it should be outright unthinkable. Even imprinted, it did little to change the fact that a velociraptor was a wild beast. An animal that would kill and-or viciously maim you by the time you realized it was hunting you down. But Blue was special...

...very special indeed.

Naruto soon learned this lesson the hard way, when he woke to find his furniture shredded the next morning. At first, his sleepy mind couldn't comprehend the destruction his eyes saw; he wanted nothing more than to believe that the events of last night were nothing more than some terrible, awful dream. It would've been so much easier for him, if it were. A small cry put paid to that. Rolling over, he promptly received a mouthful of something most unexpected.

Bits of fuzz and feathers filled the air, several of which he'd just inhaled.

 _"Blech!"_

Bolting upright, the whiskered blond spat the plumage out, becoming painfully aware of the weight settled on his chest. For a long moment, it didn't rightly occur to him what he was looking at. Shapes were still vaguely indistinct in his eyes, colors faint and wavy like the throes of an ever-shifting sea washing against the shore of his sleep deprived psyche. Stubbornly, he scrubbed at his face and eyes with the back of a hand until those whirling shapes shimmered into clarity, forcing the unwilling world to focus around him...

...and yelped.

Blue eyes widened to the size of saucer plates when he saw the raptor-Blue!-perched on his chest. That didn't frighten him. He knew and recognized her -as well as the tiny tether that was her mind- against him almost immediately. What caused him to cry out was something else entirely.

 _She was bigger._

The tiny nestling that he'd curled up with only just last night was now roughly the size of a...rather large house cat. She was looking right at him. Well, now! He didn't think her tail could wag like that. Veritably twitching with excitement, she did a little hop on top of him. Oomph! Knocked the air right out of his lungs!

"Blue?" he wheezed.

The little beast gave a triumphant squeak, standing proudly over the fallen corpse of a pillow-HIS pillow!-on his chest that was her prey. Naruto twitched, finally taking in the scope of destruction wrought by his-what he could identify her as he'd right no idea, he realized suddenly. A little hellion, she was. Had she lips, he was almost certain the newborn-awfully big for a newborn, now!-would had been grinning.

"Did you do this?"

 _'Yes. Hunt!'_

She chirped softly in acknowledgement, sounding quite proud of herself despite her lack of distinct vocalizations. Her mind brushed against his like a feather's touch, subtle, yet proud. Hers was a tiny presence still, yet already it felt larger than yesterday. Stronger. It was so easy to just get lost in those images, the pure instinct she radiated...

 _'Hunt!'_

"No!" he chastised! "Bad girl."

Blue whined, hanging her little head.

 _'Sorry..._

* * *

The "Horned Stranger" chuckled one last time as he observed his younger self's plight from a nearby rooftop, overlooking the boy's ramshackle apartment.

"Well, I'll be damned! She listened to him!"

When a deity didn't wish to be seen, it was as simple as thinking it; just a thought, and it became reality; physics and sense be damned.

Shrouded by layer upon layer of barriers, he could sit back and watch the festivities unfold without a care in the world.

"Chip of the old block," Naruto sighed wistuflly, wiping a mirthful tear from his eye. "See? Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. He's going to be just...fine?" His words trailed off as he noticed the furious gleam in the eyes of his most cherished companion. She looked to be all of three seconds from going on a rampage through the village and destroying everything. Naruto didn't doubt for a minute that she could do it, too. Now that, however, would be a crying shame. After all...

It would ruin the game!

"Kill him...Kill him...I am GOING TO KILL HIM!"

"Oi!"

There were so many pranks to play, pawns to manipulate, paths to choose, doors to open and close as he watched his other self wreak havoc. Havoc that wouldn't be had if Indy went a rampage! He'd spent an eternity laying out careful plans, plans that he refused to allow to be disrupted. So thinking he pulled himself off his perch, hands raising placatingly. Flames flickered between her teeth, angry embers threatening to spew forth at the slightest provocation. Well, that was new!

"Honey...just...c'mon now...

Her eyes flashed a molten amber, a silver tail thudding into existence behind her. Naruto swore.

"Calm-

Fangs flashed.

"I'll show you CALM!"

Exhaling, he placed a soothing palm upon his wife's shoulder.

"Oi now, calm down. Breathe. In. Out. In?"

 _"Ouuuuut."_

Indy glowered blackly back at him, scales shimmering across her face, struggling not to shift. "He yelled at her!"

"Like I did with you." A finger flicked out, poking her in the forehead reproachfully. "You promised me you'd sit this one out in return for coming here, remember? Have some faith. No one even noticed that he went into the Forest of Death in the first place. Not even the old man. Kinda pathetic of him, really."

Her lower lip trembled traitorously.

"But my baby...

...will be fine." Naruto finished curtly, patting her head. "If she's anything like her mother, she'll have everyone soiling their drawers soon enough. And that's when the fun really starts." As if to punctuate that very word they heard a resounding crash from below, followed by the boy's startled squawk. Blue's excited chirping nearly drowned out his worlds altogether:

"No no no no! Not on the table!"

Indy glanced back to the apartment, considering. In that instant, he knew he'd won.

"You think so?"

"I _know_ so."

"What if he reveals her?" she demanded.

"Hey, this is _me_ we're talking about." he replied, pulling her into an embrace, hands stroking small circles across her back. "The kid knows better than that. He's going to keep this a secret as long as he possibly can, if only to save himself the embarrassment of being made. Trust me. And hey, if he doesn't, I'll let you disembowel him yourself."

"So you say." but the words were without rancor.

Naruto chuffed softly.

"Told ya. Toxic like a hemlock sip."

Indy scowled.

"That's it, no more rap battles for you!"

Her husband whined.

 _"But I love 'em!"_

* * *

Blue watched, and Blue learned.

Day by day, week through week, month after month, she grew and memorized everything her "father" had to offer. Which wasn't much, unfortunately. She understood that he too, was young, and that he had much to learn. But he was hers, and she was his. She learned from him, and through the bond, he learned from her. They understood one another. Theirs was a sacred bond, and she was certain that nothing could break it. He understood it too, papa did, and she understood him.

She also "understood" doors and the art of opening them.

Whomsoever dared to pry into the blond's sudden severity soon learned the hard way that he was not to be trifled with. Like the pink one. Always hurting him. ALWAYS. Something had to be done. A nighttime visit had left her gibbering for weeks on end, all but jumping at her own shadow. Shinobi thought they knew the meaning of stealth, of hunting. They'd never known a raptor. They never caught her, either.

And for a time, all was well...

...until the incident.

* * *

Naruto whistled softly.

"A little tug here, a poke there...

Indy frowned, peering over his shoulder.

"What are you doing now?" she asked, watching him make a few simple gesture in the air. "I thought we agreed not to interfere."

"Oh, I'm not interfering sweetheart," he hummed happily, tugging another string. "Just playing with the mortals...and removing an obstacle...

* * *

Sakura never saw the shadow until it was too late.

"NARUTO!" she shrieked, pounding her fist against the wooden frame! "You open this door!" Her voice was practically hysteric, her eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep. "Open it right now!" she demanded! "I know you're keeping something in there! You can't fool me-

An orange eye regarded her from the window.

And then, to her disbelief, the door swung open. A dark shape loomed out at her, claws bared. Blue snarled, standing at her full, towering height.

 _"Grrrrrrr..._

The pinkette froze. Squeaked.

"Wha-

 **CHOMP!**

* * *

Indy whistled as the shrieking Haruno was dragged inside.

 _"Well done."_

Naruto laughed, rubbing one of his horns.

 _"What can I say? I do damn good work."_

* * *

"What did you do?"

Blue knew that tone of voice, and she immediately hung her head, trying to hide her bloodied muzzle under the bed.

Needless to say, she did not succeed.

At nearly five feet tall, that was easier said than done. She only succeeded in looking like an absolute fool, smacking her skull against the frame. Naruto's glower didn't abate in the least; she could feel it boring into her back despite her best efforts to evade it. Such shame, she felt! Nearly three years had passed now and _somehow_ she'd managed to maintain the tedious balance between hiding during the day and emerging at night to "hunt" her prey. If Naruto had noticed, he hadn't said anything about her activities. It was their unspoken rule, of sorts.

Today, she had broken that rule.

"What. Did. You. Do." his anger snapped at her like a whip.

 _'Pine one hurts you. No more hurt.'_

"What?"

 _'No more hurt!'_ Blue whined, pawing at her snout. _'Never again!'_

"You didn't!"

The pink one had come to his door when he wasn't home, shouting. The pink one, who always hurt him. She claimed to know.

So today...Blue had hurt her.

Devoured her whole.

Despite his horror, his disbelief, Naruto could only wonder.

"OI...

Where was the blood?

As he turned, searching, he saw the note.

 _"You're welcome, shitty brat! By the way, took the last of your ramen. Ja ne!"_

 _~Stranger._

A tick mark appeared above the boy's forehead.

"WHAT THE-

* * *

 _ **-HELL?!**_ "

Indy flinched slightly as an explosive shout echoed throughout the village.

"You're babying him."

"Perhaps." Naruto shrugged to himself, absently tugging at one of his white hairs as he lounged atop a nearby awning. "I _maaaaaaaaaay_ have cleaned up after Blue's little massacre. Hey c'mon," he continued at her admonishing look, "She had it coming! This Sakura wasn't a damn thing like the one I knew. Really, I did her a favor, goading her on like that. And it proved what you said. Blue's a born killer. She'll keep the kid safe until he's ready."

"Ready for what?"

Those eerie eyes seemed to glitter.

"Why, the ultimate prank, of course! That's one for Naruto, reality, zero!"

"Since when did this become a competition?"

"Babe, its always been a competition!"

* * *

Seasons passed and became years.

Naruto spent less and less time in class now, and more time training. Pranking, too. Blue failed to understand the point of these "pranks" as he called them. Feats of agility and seed she could understand, the need for one to stretch their legs and run, to elude their pursuers. But what point was there in deliberately identifying oneself when one could be caught?

By now it was almost common knowledge that Naruto was affiliated with _something._ It was impossible to guess, but the string of mysterious dissappearances surrounding him only put paid to those rumors, antagonizing the village to them further. Blue didn't care. She didn't need their meat.

Oddly enough their food came from the most unexpected place.

The Forest of Death.

Even with new-found skills gained through their bond, Naruto daren't venture too deep into those dreaded boughs on his own. There was too much fear there. But Blue was well capable of foraging for herself now. She treasured these rare hunts together, though they arose less and less as they grew older. Blue took comfort in his presence regardless, but today...

So much for that. Naruto had gone out again, and taken her comfort with him. He was always going out, always leaving her alone to be with the two-leggers. Blue felt cheated and bereft, like a child whose birthday had been forgotten. She didn't like this feeling. At all. It made her feel something strange. It made her...

...feel...

* * *

Indy felt a seed of warmth sprout to life in her heart.

"Here it comes...!"

* * *

"...fuck. Me."

Well, today had just gone to hell in a handbasket.

Naruto had left early to procure-steal!-supplies for a very special day. Today, was, by all rights, if he remembered correctly, the day of Blue's birth. The anniversary of the day that she'd hatched in front of him. The last few years had been so tumultuous that he'd nearly forgotten all about it. It seemed silly to celebrate such a thing with a _velociraptor_ of all things, but he felt it needed to be done. A day that had been forgotten so many times, memorialized at last.

She was his partner, after all.

Everyone else thought he was strange, weird. A loser. Dead last. But the last person to threaten him was long gone, dead at her claws.

But now, hours later, after he'd gone out once more to procure-steal!-some food for the ever-growing reptile, he'd come back to find nearly everything in shambles.

Furniture overturned, windows smashed, curtains ripped to shreds; these were the things that awaited him upon his return. As if a tornado had somehow sprouted and ripped everything to pieces-not a single item of his spared the attacker's wrath. For a terrifying moment he feared someone had tried to ransack his home again, that another spiteful villager had tried to do him harm. But no, now that he inspected their damage, he soon realized that this was different, he could see the marks of claws...

And there, sitting in the midst of it all, was a girl.

She couldn't have been more than fourteen years old.

Dusky dark skin, framed by hair the color of deep azure, hiding slender curves and the slight swell of breasts, only _just_ obscured by her deep blue tresses. Her head tilted slightly, noticing him, eyes hidden beneath the unruly mane of blue. A strange, exotic creature, one he had no name for, an entity he couldn't hope to quantify. And she'd trashed his apartment!

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

Then, at that exact moment, she lifted her head.

Bright amber eyes stared back at him, peering up from beneath those sapphire locks. Naruto froze. He knew those molten orbs.

Naruto's eyes.

Got.

Really.

Big.

 _Blue._

He was looking at Blue. He didn't know why, didn't know how, but in that instant, he simply knew. He felt her thoughts through the bond, a muddled sense of imagery and confusion, accompanied by an overwhelming desire to...to...speak?

Ha?

She yipped.

 _"N..._

Keened.

 _"Na..._

Chirped.

 _"Nar..._

Squawked?

 _"Naru..._

It seemed as though she were trying out several different sounds, trying to find the words. Her dark face scrunched in annoyance, thin lips visibly pursing in frustration.

"Na...

Her voice, when she finally found it, took his heart and twisted it into tangled red knots. When she finally spoke her voice was smooth as silk, if a little hoarse. Like a babbling brook, the sound of his own name washed over him soft, gentle, undulating and excitable. Then she pounced!

"Na~Ru~to~!"

 _Gah!_

For someone so compact, she hit like a freight train!

Bodies collided, or rather, Blue collided with him, sending him sprawling across he scratched floors. By the time he rightfully regained his senses, she had mounted him-not like that!-her hands pushing down insistently upon his chest. Naruto tried not to look, he really did, but his eyes betrayed him. A thin like of blood sluiced down his nose. Oh dear. Oh, dear sweet kami, why was he cursed with such luck?!

"Naruto!" she chirruped, bouncing atop him!

"W-W-Will you stop that?!"

Blood rushed straight to his head-among other places!-as she realized the compromising position.

And there, of course, was a note now, one that hadn't been there before. It just haaaaaad to be within arms reach, didn't it.

 _"Dear, hyperactive, knucklehead, ninja-to-be:_

 _If you've survived to read this by now, then Blue's probably hit a "different" growth spurt than before. By the way, she's going to grow quickly! And speaking of growing girls, I gave her Tora for a snack. She's got quite the appetite! Trust me, Indy was the same way at that age, and if her kid is anything like her, well..."_

 _Good luck, kid._

 _~Stranger._

Naruto's eye twitched as he crumpled the note in his hand.

"I'm gonna kill him!"

Blue cocked her head.

"Naruto?"

Naruto froze.

"Wait...Tora? What the hell is a Tora?"

Across the room Blue swallowed, a furry tail vanishing from her mouth.

"BLUE!"

The girl whined softly.

"At least let me cook the damn thing, first! Gah, you need to learn how speak, too!"

"Naruto."

"No."

"NARUTO!"

"Will you get off?!"

It was the beginning of a life of infamy for someone who had once been called the dead last.

...and the beginning of the end for an-avenger to be.

* * *

"SHE'S SO CUTE~!"

Naruto face-palmed at Indy's unbelievable, unladylike squeal, rubbing sense back into his ruptured eardrums with agonizing slowness. It wasn't an angry sound, on the contrary, it was a cry of pure joy; the exultation of a proud parent. And, it was entirely, completely, WAY TOO LOUD! That shout alone could've killed Kaguya herself! Never underestimate loving mother! Rolling upright with an effort, he tried, and could barely understand the slew of joyful gibberish spewing from the hybrids lips.

"Oh, she has my eyes and she's so tall...

"Okay, I can see she's gonna be like this for awhile. Nap time...

Indy barely noticed.

"My baby, my sweet precious baby...!"

* * *

"Hmm."

Odd, had she just heard something, now?

Blue cocked her head to the side, considering, the motion sending the long curtain of her deep azure tresses bouncing ever so slightly as she regarded her prey. She'd been stalking him all the way back to the Uchiha compound, that long forgotten, dusty building that no one deigned to remember. Had to be careful. Quiet. Stealthy...couldn't be seen...

...why are you following me?"

 _Urk._

Uchiha Sasuke found himself wholly fascinated by the color. Mesmerizing. Her dark, dusky bronze body looked like it belonged in Kumo, not Konoha; that sun-kissed sweetheart seemed so wasted on Naruto. For the life of him, why? Naruto, the dead last, the only one who hadn't graduated. Naruto, who, rumor had it, now lived in the Forest of Death, training every day. Naruto, who the Hokage babied and allowed to do as he pleased, without thought or consequence.

Brown-nosing freak.

Not like this girl.

Her bright orange eyes ensnared him, this silent girl who never left Naruto's side. What was so special about him? Why did this sleek, powerful girl cling to the dobe, and not him? It should be him. The council had tried to enact the clan restoration act with her, and she'd just looked at them as though they were meat. Perhaps they were. Perhaps _that_ was why she was following him. Had she reconsidered? Was she ready to leave that dead last, loser of a dobe behind?

Sasuke feigned a scowl. Ladies loved the scowl.

"What the hell do you want?"

Her smile grew.

"Food."

 _'Oh, it speaks! Wait, what?'_

"Well, if its food you want, then I know this great takoyaki place-

She shook her head slowly, stepping closer.

"No."

"Whaddya mean no-BLEARGH?!"

Then she bit down on his neck.

 _Hard._

That was the thing about raptor teeth; no matter what form they came in, they were always deadly. A Uchiha Sasuke was dead long before Blue dragged him into the alley and finished the dead, grimacing slightly at the sour taste. All that remained to suggest his passing was a spatter of gore in the street, and the scent of blood. Careful to clean herself, licking her fingers clean. She had to keep this a secret, couldn't let Naruto know...

"Oi."

Damnit."

Blue froze as a shadow detached itself from the wall behind her.

Naruto frowned, glancing at the blood.

"You killed him, didn't you?"

She held her tongue.

In the end, Naruto simply sighed. Reaching down for her, he took hold of her wrist and tugged her upright. Then he started walking.

Blue blinked.

"Naruto?"

...let's get you washed up." he drawled, pulling her along behind him. "Before his fangirls come after you. So troublesome...

Blue was not deceived by this churlish scowl, even for a moment. Not in the least. She brushed her shoulder against his-their clothes briefly rustling-smiling at him until he was forced to smile back, just a little. She was happy, happy that he was happy, and so she capered about, glad at the prospect of a long respite. Her nose nuzzled into his shoulder as she purred softly.

"Happy?" she asked.

A long moment of silence passed between them.

"Yeah, guess I'm happy, too...

 **A/N: And there we go! I'm fairly certain no one has tried this angle, but after reading the actual Jurassic World novel, not the junior one, its a piece of crap-I felt kinda bad for ol' Blue. So I decided to give this a go! Hope ya like it!**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review Would Ya Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview and tell me what ye think! Thar be two and they're utterly hilarious! This story's going to fly off the rails and laugh in canon's face! Its unabashedly oozing fluff and all kinds of sweet, sugary goodness...!**

 **(Preview!)**

 _Blue frowned thoughtfully, her mind struggling to place the word she'd been taught by Ayame._

 _The strange horned man had told her about, it, too. She liked him. He smelled like Naruto._

 _"Love."_

 _Rolling it around on her tongue, she said it once, twice, three times. Her finger-capricious things, these human bodies!-twirled clumsily through her shortened hair, the once curtainesque tresses now the shoulder-length locks. Short hair was good. It didn't get in the way when she hunted-FOCUS! Shaking herself mightily, the raptor girl sharpened her focus, refusing to be distracted. That pup had proved a pleasant enough meal, so she should've been able to focus with ease, but somehow the concept eluded her._

 _Love...who did she love?_

 _"What're you muttering about over there?"_

 _Amber eyes flicked toward Naruto, considering. Her mate. Her everything. Her all. Love. Blue grinned. The blond started slightly as she bolted upright, the motion sending her burgundy-colored dress swirling. In a single bound she reached him, alighting in an effortless crouch before him. Blue eyes bulged as she laughed, bearing row upon row of bright, pearly white teeth._

 _"LOVE!"_

 _"Hey, what the hell?!"_

 _In the next instant the hapless blond found himself bowled over by the slim form of the hybrid._

 _Humming softly, Blur buried her head in the crook of his neck._

 _"Love." it was a purr. "Love Naruto! Love love love!"_

 _Naruto sighed helplessly._

 _"Hai, hai, I love you, too..._

 **Yup, totally went there. Sorry, Akamaru! EVERYONE'S FAIR GAME HERE!**

 **R &R~! =D**


	3. Love

**A/N: Lo and behold a new idea! If you've read my story "Clever Girl" then you already know I've been on an Indominus tear before this, but then I got to thinking; we all know how a godly Naruto can deal with deadly dinosaurs, that's almost too easy. But a regular, average Naruto just starting out of the gate? Now, I don't think that's been done before, neh? So an idea came to me, an idea of the Naruto we know from "Not Going Home" traveling to an alternate universe to visit his past self.**

 **I say ALTERNATE UNIVERSE because as we all know, there are many, many different realms, several in which a single choice, as you'll see in this chapter, can dramatically alter the outcome of any given story. Naruto has literally said before "I don't fuck with time. Last time I did, it gave me AIDS." Implying he's been down this path before. In a sense, one could even call this a pre-sequel to the events of not going home. Try wrapping your minds around that XD**

 **ALSO.**

 **Speaking of that series, a fan of mine, Hail Lord Archanfel, has suggested something.**

 **Subject: Clever Girl**

 **I just had an idea. The Misadventures of Diny and Indy. A story about the girls when Naruto isn't around. It have chapters about Indy trying to get her sister used to everyday things like staying dressed. Or another chapter of them trying to get driver's licenses (Piccolo and Goku style).**

 **And personally, I think it would quite easy for you to accomplish given that you've already gotten their characters made and fleshed out.**

 **Bonus idea: Killa's Grand Day Out. Now...**

 **...here ya be!**

 **I PROUDLY PRESENT a branch off of the much-lauded "Clever Girl" story, otherwise known as...**

 **...NOT SO CLEVER! On another note, a similar scene will of course happen in Clever Girl itself, but not to THIS version of Naruto. To keep things spoiler free, well...it'll make ya smile. Remember, this story is silly, derpy and strange, and not meant to be taken very seriously. It is meant purely as a feel good, fic for all you guys and gals out there. So...**

 **LET THE CHAOS BEGIN! And if any of you have watched Dragon Crisis, well, that series did WONDERS to give me inspiration for this and YES, the Naruto we love from the "Not Going Home" series isn't quite finished with his alternate counterpart just yet...AND WARNING! I unabashedly make fun of Sakura and Sasuke in this chapter! REMEMBER! ALTERNATE! NARUTO! UNIVERSE!**

 _"I'm doomed..._

 _~?_

 **Love**

Naruto was dying.

Of.

LAUGHTER!

"BAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"She did it," He guffawed loudly, "She actually did it! She ate the duckbutt! I didn't even have to DO anything! Oh, man, this is priceless! I don't even...!" Wiping a mirthful tear from the corner of his eye, he continued to flail on the ground in a strange sort of seizure that Indy couldn't bring herself to understand. Then again, she realized she had never truly understood her alpha/husband completely, even from those days when she'd been little more than a hatchling herself. Naruto didn't make plans.

He just did things.

Like a dog chasing cars.

Had he a tail, she was sure it would have been wagging.

Yes, she thought to herself watching him laugh, a dog indeed.

A dog that could _destroy_ the car, street, the block it was on, and the entire planet with it! She'd once seen him wipe out an entire universe for what they had done to a little boy. This wasn't someone who made plans of a tangible sort; far from it, he reveled in the chaos he created. With a few changes, an entire world could be thrown off. That was what Naruto did. He was the first stone in a landslide, that loud shout, that triggered an avalanche of white death.

Now he looked all of three seconds from laughing his head off.

"Oh, this is great! Priceless!"

Indy twitched.

"She certainly seems...hungry...was I like that?"

"AYE!" Her husband cackled again, breaking into a renewed set of giggles. "You should have seen yourself at that age! You were a veritable tornado! You ate everything in sight!" Indy felt her face slowly grow hot at the reminder of her own fledgling years, the chaos she had caused, the lives she had consumed...

Her cheeks colored in defiance.

"I-I was not!"

"Totally were." he grinned.

 _"Libel!"_

"Two weeks says she won't snap and kill someone else." Naruto challenged, wiggling a finger. "If she's anything like her mama, she won't be able to resist protecting him, but I don't think she'd kill over it."

Indy scoffed. "She WILL kill, Naruto. That boy is her mate, she just doesn't know it yet. Once she does, she'll kill to keep him. Surely, you must realize that."

"And here I thought my jokes were bad."

Her scowl didn't relent.

"Care to make it a bet?"

"You're on!"

Blue eyes twinkled. "The usual wager, then?"

Indy grinned.

"Definitely."

* * *

 _(Two weeks, three hours and approximately fifteen minutes later...)_

* * *

Late night descended on Konoha softly, a gentle blanket of stars draping itself across the village.

In the privacy of a posh resort, Indy lay out nude on her bunk, her expression bordering on utter bliss.

Sighing soft moans of contentment, the hybrid quietly indulged in sensations overwhelming her. Her body ached from the altercation they'd had after she'd won the wager, but this was making up for it. In spades. She deserved it. She intended to enjoy every second of it. She smiled over her shoulder at the man giving her such intense, intimate pleasure.

"A little lower, dear."

Naruto sighed, horns bristling, huffing in annoyance as he massaged his lover's aching, tired feet.

"Never betting against you again...

* * *

 _(Meanwhile...)_

"Food."

Young Naruto had no way of knowing, it but in that instant he shared in his doppleganger's frustration, head slamming into the wall of his apartment with a dull thud against the plaster. Interestingly enough it cracked and splintered at the touch; another sign of how much his strength had increased since he'd undergone that hellish training in the Forest of Death. Alas, strength was the furthest thing from his mind at the moment as he felt a lithe body pressing up against him.

"How are you still hungry?" he groaned. "You just ate three bloody steaks! At once!"

Her head nuzzled the back of his shoulder, questing for attention like a puppy.

"Food?" she begged, in her lilting voice. _"Please?"_

Funny how someone with such a limited vocabulary could evoke such an emotional range.

"Alright, alright." he yielded with a sigh, turning to face her. "We'll go hunting."

Her eyes lit up.

"Hunt, hunt, hunt!" It was a chant, delighted and excited.

"Right, now if you could just move...

She didn't budge.

This close he could see how much she'd grown; she resembled more an unruly teenager than a petulant child, and nearly a head taller than before. Wiser, too. The moment he moved she crawled into his lap, laying her head to rest on his chest. Her was suddenly very keenly aware of _her,_ of her breasts pushing against his collarbone in such a way that left him powerless to move.

"Happy." she purred, rubbing her cheek against his. Then she did something strange, something most strange indeed.

She _licked_ him.

YOW!

Naruto shot up with a startled squawk of surprise,

Two weeks, three hours and approximately fifteen minutes had passed since the "disappearance" of one Uchiha Sasuke. Since then Blue had claimed many more meals and, as such, her eyes had begun to change. They were still that vivid, slitted orange, but lately, they'd gained tomoe within them in the past days, including flecks of red and white, three to each eerie orb.

Even Naruto, dense as he was, knew what that meant. Remembered who she had devoured.

There had been an inquiry of course, an investigation, but it hadn't gone anywhere. The "Watcher" as Naruto had come to call the strange, omnipresent entity that delighted in both observing and tormenting them seemed to have taken care of that, as he had before. The village mourned, and some even wanted to blame the "demon" for the absence of their beloved Uchiha, even have Blue breed to pass on what she'd taken, the _Sharingan_ many insisted that she'd stolen, when she'd simply eaten the boy.

He recalled quite vividly what she'd had to say about _that..._

* * *

 _(Flashback)_

 _Blue hissed._

 _"No."_

 _It was just a single word, a syllable, but that flat response garnered more attention than anything she'd said all week. Planted firmly on the floor of the Hokage's office she was an immutable pillar, refusing to budge. Ah, but they weren't in trouble he knew, despite a nasty "incident" concerning the unfortunate passing of a certain prick of a Hyuuga who'd stumbled upon them. No one had been able to prove that, either. It was rather difficult to do when the victims were devoured, after all. But this..._

 _...this was a matter most serious, and far more terrifying._

 _Propped up on a table, flanked by an Anbu at either elbow, he found himself forced to sit helplessly by as an agitated Blue was poked and prodded relentlessly by Danzou and the Hokage's advisors. The Third himself looked rather complacent, a strange, glazed look in those normally kind eyes. Naruto jotted that down in his mind, but even so, the confusion did nothing to lessen the look of anguish in Blue's eyes as Danzou looked at her, peering at the girl as if she were a piece of meat._

 _"Fascinating," Danzou mused, poking her in the stomach. "Just look at her eyes, Hiruzen. She understands everything we're saying."_

 _"Yes..._

 _Naruto raged quietly What, was he under a genjutsu or something?! Do something, old man!_

 _"Stop touching me." It was a warning, from Blue._

 _The elder scoffed. "And if I don't?"_

 _It was the wrong thing to say._

 _The young grl turned her head. The parody of the smile she gave them was eerie and unattractive._

 _"Then I'll hurt you."_

 _"What are you going to do with her?" Naruto demanded, breaking the tension._

 _"We're going to start a breeding program with her." Homura admitted frankly._

 _The boy felt himself go cold._

 _Breed?_

 _"No." Blue replied simply, eliciting a frown from the latter. "Naruto is mine. Only mine."_

 _Koharu laid a hand on her shoulder._

 _"You don't have a choice. It is for the good of-_

 ** _"NO!"_**

 _Blue struck, her arm darting out with the speed of a cobra as she latched onto Koharu's throat. Her voice was cut off in midword. Behind his desk, Sarutobi balked. His next words were spoken purely on reflex, and THEY were what sealed his teammate's fate. It was a single word really, and it filled the room with shinobi._

 _And death._

 _"Guards!"_

 _Snarling, Blue slammed her elbow up into nearest ninja's face, shattering his nose, then took the second nearest down with a kick to the leg that splintered bone like rotten wood. In the same breath she vaulted onto the table, and those deceptively frail-looking hands closed upon the skulls of two more unfortunate Anbu. Then she squeezed with all of her might. Their heads exploded like overripe grapes, their contents under pressure. Blood spattered in every direction-a fine red mist signalling the end of the elite bodyguards._

 _Then those eyes swept back to Koharu._

 _Before she could even register what was happening she was off the table, marching the flailing hag across the room, shoving her roughly against the wall. Koharu's face was bright red; she couldn't draw air at all. She could only gape, wide-eyed, as the young woman who'd sat like a mannequin through the entire discussion erupted into violence. And then she spoke._

 _"So." it was a hiss. "What, exactly, do you mean to do?! Experiment on me?! Take me away? From my Naruto?! MY **NARUTO?!"**_

 _It wast the most she'd spoken in a week._

 _Grasping Koharu's throat with one hand, she lifted the elder a foot off the floor with minimal effort. Still, her mind remained frozen in horror. Her face began to turn blue, her lips drawn back in a grinning rictus, her feet kicking ineffectually against the wall. Blue was throttling her with both hands now, as she gasped and grasped and clawed at her wrists, fighting-struggling-her efforts useless. Do something! Her brain shrilled wildly, but it was no use; with each passing second that vice tightened, fingers like iron digging into her windpipe._

 _Blue's eyes weren't passive slits anymore. They were wide, all-seeing, enraged, burning. The eyes of a beast, trapped in the body of a girl._

 _"Oi, stop!" Naruto admonished. "Don't kill her!"_

 _The sound seemed to activate Koharu; she struggled desperately, finally breaking Blue's hold. She fell hard and scrambled to get away but the raptor hybrid pounced on her like a cat toying with a mouse already slated for dinner. Her long legs scissored around Koharu, squeezing the air from her lungs like a boa constrictor as she pinned her shoulders to the floor. Koharu clawed at the tiles in a feeble attempt to escape but Blue never noticed, just kept strangling the life out of her victim until she heard a terrible pop._

 _Danzou was still edging back towards the door when her claws found his arm and throat._

 _"You." it was a snarl. "Die."_

 _(End flashback)_

* * *

And she had.

Somehow, the Hokage hadn't taken action against them, but Naruto knew in his heart that he'd never be a shinobi now. Whatever daze the Third had been trapped in vanished that day, and so too had the boy's dream of becoming Hokage himself.

That particular goal was as beyond his reach as the stars in the sky.

Still, he was content.

It seemed like a lifetime ago, yet still he knew it was as plain as day. Blue was changing. Growing. Becoming more and more fierce, more protective of him. Her undeniable hunger for meat, and seemingly ever-present affection for him-a beacon that all but joined them at the hip. They were connected. Her mind brushed against his almost hourly now-constantly seeking attention, information. Every waking moment a test of will-trying told hold to his sense of self-against a girl who knew only instinct.

In a way, he'd never truly be free from her he knew, but by now, he didn't want to be.

It was strange really, how she'd managed to worm her way into his life like this; without even trying. He was completely, irrevocably hers, and she, his. They'd bonded on an emotional, primal, physical level he couldn't truly comprehend, despite not being...involved with one another. If he concentrated, he could even feel her thoughts. They caressed him now like a gentle breeze, curious and stroking.

 _'Naruto? Okay?'_

Naruto shook his head, sighing.

"I'm fine; I believe, that whatever doesn't kill you makes you.. _.stranger."_

 _'Are we strange, then?"_

'Definitely.'

 _They were a strange pair, alright._

 _A strange pair indeed._

* * *

The scent hit her like a sledgehammer.

 _'Someone is here.'_

Blue sniffed.

The scent of tonight's hunt was still fresh, and her instincts momentarily sated with her hunger. By all rights she should be sound asleep. But this new smell was...potent. It made her sit up in the bed. Her eyes found nothing in the room, nothing but dust and echoes. Yet still, the scent persisted. Calling to her...

...calling...

Casting a longing look at her alpha beside her, she shifted the sheets to cover Naruto better and stepped out, following it. Never did it occur to her to slip on anything but the simply azure nightie she wore. Clothes were strange, and she didn't like to wear the thick, constricting layers. It was still difficult to move properly in this form, but she found it easier with every day...

...so long as she didn't wear all those infernal garments.

She wondered about that.

More and more she favored this fleshly, upright form; because it let her interact with Naruto. Others did not fear this form, unless she attacked. She could hide in this body. Hunt. Nothing suspected her until she struck, and by then, it was usually too late. But tonight, as she slipped through the streets, she found herself nervous. Apprehensive. This strange scent called to her, spoke to a deep, primal place she didn't truly understand, yet she followed it anyway, winding along a weaving path that led her out of the village and into the training grounds.

"Ah," a voice like honey trickled in her ear. "I see you found me,"

The attack came from nowhere all at once; one moment she'd heard the voice, the next, she was spinning away as a silver-haired stranger pounced at her from the forest. Her arm shot up and she felt pain, flinching as clawed hand raked across her forearm. Just like that, they disengaged. Devoid of distractions, she gazed upon her foe, snarling.

"Yes," the words purred again. "That's it!"

Blue frowned, tilting her head.

She knew this one. Her scent was known.

But that didn't make any sense, absolutely none at all...

"Well, well, well!" A new voice chimed. "What have we here?"

Blue twisted her body violently as she leaped, corkscrewing through the air as a new presence made itself known.

A glimpse of red horns flashed before her vision, blue eyes gleaming out at her. That was all she had time for before the other attacked.

Indy struck, her arm darting out with the speed of a cobra as she latched onto the younger girl's throat. Blue's voice was cut off in midword. Slapping the hand away she pinwheeled, an arm scything out, but her foe did the same, blocking her, wrenching her down against the wall. She bared her teeth and thrashed, but to no avail, the intruder was faster. Stronger. And then, impossibly, they smiled.

"Such a fierce girl. My little girl," she cooed, stroking her cheek, "My sweet, baby girl. Mommy loves you. She loves you very much."

Blue's.

Eyes.

Got.

Really.

Big.

 _...Mommy?"_

* * *

Blue frowned thoughtfully the next morning, her mind struggling to place the word she'd been taught by the one called Mother.

The strange horned man had told her about, it, too. She liked him. He smelled like Naruto.

"Love."

Rolling it around on her tongue, she said it once, twice, three times. Her finger-capricious things, these human bodies!-twirled clumsily through her shortened hair, the once curtainesque tresses now the shoulder-length locks. Short hair was good. It didn't get in the way when she hunted-FOCUS! Shaking herself mightily, the raptor girl sharpened her focus, refusing to be distracted. That pup had proved a pleasant enough meal, so she should've been able to focus with ease, but somehow the concept eluded her.

Love...who did she love?

"What're you muttering about over there?"

Amber eyes flicked toward Naruto, considering. Her mate. Her everything. Her all. Love. Blue grinned. The blond started slightly as she bolted upright, the motion sending her burgundy-colored dress swirling. In a single bound she reached him, alighting in an effortless crouch before him. Blue eyes bulged as she laughed, bearing row upon row of bright, pearly white teeth.

"LOVE!"

"Hey, what the hell?!"

In the next instant the hapless blond found himself bowled over by the slim form of the hybrid.

Humming softly, Blur buried her head in the crook of his neck.

"Love." it was a purr. "Love Naruto! Love love love!"

Naruto sighed helplessly.

"Hai, hai, I love you, too...

 **A/N: And there we go! I'm fairly certain no one has tried this angle, but after reading the actual Jurassic World novel, not the junior one, its a piece of crap-I felt kinda bad for ol' Blue. So I decided to give this a go! Hope ya like it!**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review Would Ya Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview and tell me what ye think! Thar be two and they're utterly hilarious! This story's going to fly off the rails and laugh in canon's face! Its unabashedly oozing fluff and all kinds of sweet, sugary goodness...!**

 **(Preview!)**

 _"Happy."_

 _Blue liked her lips, snatching up a stray droplet of blood with her tongue._

 _"EH?"_

 _Shaking herself like a wet dog, the young woman fixed him with an adoring smile. She kissed him softly, purring like a contented kitten moments later as she pulled away, grinning. She'd been high as a kite since she'd discovered the human practice; she seemed to take the opportunity to do so whenever she could, much to the dismay of a certain Hyuuga._

 _Naruto still couldn't fathom why Hinata burst into tears whenever she saw them...eh, must be a girl thing._

 _"Happy." she shook her head. "Not hungry. Ate something meaty."_

 _"Oh, good, I guess.._

 _Naruto froze._

 _Sniffed._

 _Turned._

 _Slowly._

 _"Meaty?"_

 _"Yes." Her head bobbed jerkily. "The fat one was delicious."_

 _"DID YOU FREAKIN' EAT CHOJI, OI?!"_

 **Yup, totally went there. Sorry, folks! EVERYONE'S FAIR GAME HERE!**

 **R &R~! =D**


	4. Calories are Bad

**A/N: Lo and behold I return at last! As to the reason for my absence, a number of anoymous guest flamers are to blame, Doommarine54 chief among them. But I've come back out of the abyss to revive my works!**

 **...off we go! Onward with Not So Clever! On another note, we see a bit of a time jump in this chapter, hence why its so short. Consider it an interlude of sorts, a promise of all sorts of hilarity soon to come.**

 _"Why would you even...?!"_

 _"I was hungry."_

 _"CLEARLY!"_

 _~?_

 **Calories are Bad**

Choji never saw her coming.

And how could he?

When you were being stalked by the perfect predator, a hybrid born to hunt-to kill-a being that could blend in with their very surroundings at will...well, you didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell. If you could find them just by glancing over your shoulder, that would defeat the entire purpose of being hunted now, wouldn't it? Thus, he paid no heed to the slim shadow following him home that night after practice. He never saw it cling to the shadows in dark alley-ways, never noticed the slight blur whenever he thought to look straight at it.

He'd never been a sensory type to begin with, after all.

Even if he did possess such an ability, he never would've detected her soft footsteps over the incessant crunch of his potato chips in his mouth. Again, he didn't feel threatened. It had been weeks, then months, almost a year, even, since the last disappearance. Everyone thought the killer/kidnapper'd had their fill and while some had their suspicions as to who the madman was, none could truly prove it. Even the Hokage found himself flummoxed by the killings. The murderer seemed to bear no distinction between victim and prey; every now and then one would be found days after disappearing, alive, but scared out of their wits.

Others weren't so fortunate.

Some claimed it was a large lizard, others a young girl, and still others a _woman_ as time went by. No one could prove anything of course, and when the strange happenings eventually ceased altogether, the village was quick to fall back into a lull. The crimes were forgiven, perhaps, but not forgotten. Still, at leas they'd stopped and he didn't have to...to...

Choji froze as a shadow fell over him.

A small part of him knew he could fight, could try to beat back his attacker, fight them off and flee.

That part wilted when he saw the teeth. A girl shouldn't have a smile like that.

"Oh." the Akimichi managed through a mouth full of food. "Shit."

The last his saw were those eerie orange, slitted eyes.

 _"MEAT!"_

* * *

 _(The Next Day...)_

* * *

"Kiss."

Naruto slammed his head into the desk.

"Not now, Blue! I gotta focus."

"No focus." The voice in his ear whined. "Kiss."

"Aargh!"

Heaving a small sigh, the exhausted jinchuuriki wearily looked up from his desk, suddenly intensely aware of something warm and soft pushing over the chair and against his shoulders. A pair of lips brushed against the back of his neck, quietly at first, then growing more insistent; like a puppy demanding attention. Even after being ejected from the academy, he still held a regimen, of sorts, thanks to that damned horned bastard; one Blue was doing her best to disrupt with her affections. She didn't know any better, after all.

Time, work, chores, she understood none of these things. She knew only instinct, play, hunger and desire.

The last one seemed increasingly prevalent today.

It took a supreme effort of will on the teenager's part not to turn around and give in.

Today's list before him was an exhaustive one; he had been tasked with fine-tuning his chakra control, learning this strange "Rasengan" jutsu that horned guy had given him, and many other things. In a small way, he was grateful. Tasks like this kept him from remembering that he was never going to be a ninja. But ninja or no, that didn't mean he couldn't become stronger, right? There was no rule against that. And Uzumaki Naruto had a very good reason for seeking that strength.

He had thing-people!-to protect.

"Naruto~!"

"

Clever or not, she didn't care. She wanted attention, and would not be denied. Slim arms wrapped around him, tentatively tugging at his jacket at first, outright _yanking_ when he ignored her ministrations. "Gah!" Being much stronger than him, this had the added effect of all but spinning him of the chair and sending him tumbling to the floor. His head smacked the corner of the desk as he fell, sending stars spinning before his vision. By the time he recovered his "pet" had all but pinned him to the floor with her larger body.

"Okay, whaaaaaa...

For a brief moment, his jaw dropped.

She'd grown.

Again.

Blue was evolving at a prodigous rate, one he didn't entirely understand. In the span of only a year she'd shot up like a weed. A very tall, voluptuous weed. He'd grown as well, but it was rapidly shaping up that Blue had long since overtaken him. In hip-hugging slacks and a tight white tee she almost looked...normal, if one were to ignore the slitted orange eyes and wild azure hair. At least he'd managed to convince her not to hunt people for the time being. He hoped.

Until he saw that sly, sneaky smile.

...why are you grinning?" he frowned.

The hybrid's only response was a kiss.

"Happy."

"Why?"

Blue liked her lips, snatching up a dried droplet of blood at the corner of her mouth with her tongue. Dark blood. One that hadn't been there before. Naruto swore.

"EH?"

Shaking herself like a wet dog, the young woman fixed him with an adoring smile. She kissed him again, purring like a contented kitten moments later as she pulled away, grinning. She'd been high as a kite since she'd discovered the human practice; she seemed to take the opportunity to do so whenever she could, much to the dismay of a certain Hyuuga.

Naruto still couldn't fathom why Hinata burst into tears whenever she saw them...eh, must be a girl thing.

"Wait, you're not hungry again, are you?" They were already hunting twice a day now!"

"Happy." she shook her head. "Not hungry. Ate something meaty."

"Oh, good, I guess..

Naruto froze.

Sniffed.

Turned.

Slowly.

"Meaty?"

"Yes." Her head bobbed jerkily. "The fat one was delicious."

 _"DID YOU FREAKIN' EAT CHOJI, OI?!"_

 **A/N: And there we go! I'm fairly certain no one has tried this angle, but after reading the actual Jurassic World novel, not the junior one, its a piece of crap-I felt kinda bad for ol' Blue. So I decided to give this a go! Hope ya like it!**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review Would Ya Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview and tell me what ye think! Thar be one and its utterly hilarious! This story's going to fly off the rails and laugh in canon's face! Its unabashedly oozing fluff and all kinds of sweet, sugary goodness...!**

 **(Preview!)**

 _Tsunade squawked._

 _"What in the blue hell are you?!"_

 _The girl beamed._

 _"Blue."_

 _"How in the hell did you get-_

 _"Wanna train." she said simply. "Have to get stronger. Have to protect."_

 _"And just what makes you think I'd ever train youuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!"_

 _That was all she manged before the deceptively swift girl levered her into the floor._

 _"Train." she deadpanned._

 _"Jeez, aright, alright..._

 _It was all Naruto could do not to cackle from where he hid in the bushes._

 _"That's my girl."_

 **Yup, totally went there. Sorry, folks! EVERYONE'S FAIR GAME HERE!**

 **R &R~! =D**


End file.
